dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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