Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
