My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
