Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize