i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
