woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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