Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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