The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
