totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
