nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
