How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
