Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
