I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
