I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
