She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
