So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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