I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
