$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
