Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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