dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
