Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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