I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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