yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
