Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
