I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
