He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
