It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
