have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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