Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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