i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize