Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
