our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
