I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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