wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
