Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
