It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
