at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
