Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
