her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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