The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize