I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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