I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
