Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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