I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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