our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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