I could have mohawked her pubes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
