he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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