I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
