So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
