The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
