i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
