they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
