The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
