It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
