I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
