Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
