What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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