Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
