4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
