Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
