And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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