Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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