Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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